Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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