Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
