Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
