Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
