my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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