I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
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I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize