I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
