apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
