I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
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Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
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What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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