I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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