I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
