I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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