all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
