My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Randomize
