wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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