I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
