I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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