If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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