Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
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Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.