just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...