If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.