she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
