guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
