i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They took my balls.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
