I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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