i think my mom watched the whole time
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
