I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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