i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
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You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
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Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
COCAINE IS GR8
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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