nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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