So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
do nipples grow back?
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