where does the pee come out of this thing
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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