you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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