Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
