also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
