thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
