This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
