Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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