I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You can't motorboat a personality
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
