C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
