dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
