He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
NoShamevember. You game?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
