My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
