Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
