dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
