Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
