i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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