bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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