I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
