the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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