even my farts smell like vagina
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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