When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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