I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
