It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
