There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
