i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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