so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
