All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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