You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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