yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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