You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize