I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
