he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
